Beyond the Chaos: Simple Strategies That Actually Work for Women with ADHD
You sit down to work, determined to be productive – and 40 minutes later you’re waist deep in a rabbit hole of your own making – looking at rabbits jumping on trampolines, reorganising your pantry after you went to get a snack, or organising your hairties by colour. Oh hi there, ADHD! Although ADHD in all genders has similar characteristics, ADHD in women can show up differently – in perfectionism, masking and emotional sensitivity. Women with ADHD are often diagnosed later in life because they are SO GOOD at masking. These challenges are not personal failings, but brain-based differences in attention, motivation and energy regulation. The good news is, there are practical ways to work with your brain – not against it.
Start with Self-Compassion
Many women diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood carry decades of shame and self-blame. Guilt and grief mix together in a maelstrom of blame soup. “If only I could have” or “If only I knew” are common things I hear from clients. To process and move through these feelings, why not start with some self-compassion? Self-compassion is the foundation for true change. If you’ve ever heard yourself saying “I tried that once and it didn’t work” – I ask you to look curiously at your inner voice – is it actually saying “I tried it but I’m a failure again, why bother even trying?”. When you use self-compassion, you can swap “Why can’t I just…?” for “What’s making this hard right now?”. Encouraging gentle curiosity over criticism increases the likelihood of psychological flexibility, a tool that will help you use the best strategy you have in your toolbox for whenever you need it.
Use the ‘Rule of One’
ADHD brains crave novelty, but struggle with overwhelm. I see many of my clients reaching for the stars and possibly the next galaxy with their life to-do lists. While I encourage a refreshing brain dump, looking for clarity in simplicity can be useful. Ask yourself “What is the one thing I need to do next?”. Doing one small thing at a time – one priority, one pile, one next step – can reduce overwhelm and increase success. Some practical examples: Choose one focus area for the day instead of a full to-do list. Use 10 minute timers to make tasks achievable. Emphasis progress, not perfection. It’s not always going to work out for you – but small wins will get you there.
Build Routines that Flex, not Fracture
ADHD minds are not made for rigid systems. Forcing yourself to stick to strict schedules can lead to failure. Instead, look at routines as a rhythm for your life that help regulate energy and decision fatigue. Instead of strict schedules, look for anchors in your day – for example, your morning anchor is a shower + coffee + meds. It’s not a minute-by-minute plan with 50 steps. Just a few things joined together to make a routine that is achievable. Helpful tools for reducing mental clutter for routines are visual reminders (place your meds by your coffee machine), whiteboards or phone alarms (hot tip: most phones have the ability to write notes in your alarms or call it by a certain name – use that as an extra tool to help you!). It’s ok if systems don’t work for you or need adapting – rhythms and routines are meant to serve YOU, not the other way around.
Manage Energy, not just Time
ADHD isn’t a time management problem; it’s an energy and interest regulation one. Approaching your energy and interests with curiosity rather than judgement can help your days run smoothly. Notice your natural energy rhythms: When am I at high and low points of energy during the day? Manage your focus blocks, rest needs and sensory breaks according to those peaks and dips of energy. Plan harder tasks during high-energy times, and use strategies such as body doubling (working alongside someone else) when motivation dips. A note on rest – you don’t have to earn rest to deserve it. Your body is super clever and tells you when you need it – listening to our bodies is important and long-term will help you maintain a sense of momentum.
Create External Accountability that feels supportive
Many women with ADHD thrive when expectations are externalised. Many clients tell me their natural drive for perfectionism is increased when someone has an expectation of them. This does not have to be a bad thing – use it as a strength and motivator instead, by finding supportive external accountability. Check in with your counsellor or ADHD coach. Do co-working sessions with a friend. Ask your partner to give you a reward when you reach a certain goal. The emotional benefits of gentle accountability are huge – it’s not pressure, it’s partnership.
Living with ADHD isn’t about “fixing” yourself, but about understanding your brain’s wiring and working with it. Experiment with strategies, be compassionate with yourself, and find what feels kind and sustainable. Reach out for professional help if needed. Your brain might not follow the straight path others expect – but that’s often where creativity, resilience, and brilliance thrive.
