Why Rejection Feels So Big: Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Ever had a simple comment or feedback that hit you like a punch in the stomach? You tell yourself not to take it personally, but your brain and body react like it’s the end of the world. Then you start a shame spiral – “I’m too much, why am I like this, why can’t I feel things less?”. You may be struggling with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) – an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or criticism. RSD is common in women with ADHD, who’ve spent years masking, performing, or people-pleasing. If this sounds like it describes you, I want to reassure you – you’re not too sensitive – your nervous system is just wired differently. Let’s find out a little about what RSD is, how it might affect you, and what you can do about it.
What is RSD?
RSD isn’t an official diagnosis – it’s an umbrella term used to describe the extreme emotional discomfort that comes from feeling rejected, criticised, or like you’ve let someone down. In women with ADHD, RSD might look like:
Overthinking interactions for hours or days
Avoiding feedback or new opportunities to prevent potential embarrassment
Feeling intense shame after seemingly small mistakes
Going from feeling “fine” to “devastated” at the speed of light.
Please note that your emotional response is very real – it’s a nervous system response, not a personality flaw.
Why ADHD brains experience rejection more intensely
ADHD brains have differences in emotional regulation and dopamine processing. This means that a perceived rejection can trigger a stronger nervous system response, such as fight, flight or freeze. Let me reassure you – you’re not being dramatic – your brain just feels things DEEPLY and FAST.
How RSD shows up in everyday life
Here’s some examples of how RSD might show up in women with ADHD:
You feel crushed when a friend doesn’t text back
You avoid sharing opinions in meetings to avoid criticism
You tend to say yes to everything to avoid disappointing people
You feel rejected when your partner seems distant or distracted
You tend to overapologise or overexplain
What helps: gentle ways to manage RSD
Managing RSD isn’t about suppressing your feelings or adding more masking in. It’s about responding to your nervous system with kindness and compassion. Here’s some practical ideas you might like to try the next time you feel that gut-wrenching stomach thud of rejection:
Name it when it happens
“This feels like RSD” – naming it helps to creates a pause between feeling and reaction.
2. Regulate your body first before responding
Practice asking for time to respond. Then try slow breathing, a short walk, or grounding before trying to “think rationally.”
3. Reality-check your thoughts
Ask: “What evidence do I have that they’re rejecting me?” or “Could there be another reason?”
4. Build self-compassion
Replace “I’m too sensitive” with “I’m someone who feels deeply - and that’s okay.”
5. Seek safe feedback spaces
Practice receiving gentle feedback from trusted friends or your counsellor - it retrains your brain over time.
When to reach out for support
If you feel that your RSD is impacting your relationships, self-esteem, or work, counselling can help. Working with a counsellor can help provide you with tools for emotional regulation, boundary setting, and self-understanding. Of course, ADHD medication can also assist in balancing those neurotransmitters that affect your sense of rejection – so reaching out to your medical provider to get medication adjusted or started can also help. If you recognise yourself in this article, you’re not alone – this is something we can work on together. Book a session with me via the Booking tab above. Remember, feeling deeply isn’t a weakness – it’s a sign of how much you care. With awareness and support, you can move from the constant blame and shame game to understanding, resilience and self-compassion.
