When Mother’s Day feels Messy
Motherhood is a beautiful, wild, rollercoaster ride of love, heartbreak and too many emotions to name. And Mother’s Day, rightfully or wrongfully, was created to celebrate the magic of being a Mum. But for many, Mother’s Day can stir uncomfortable, even painful emotions.
Perhaps you have not been the type of Mum you dreamed you would be, because you are So. Dang. Tired. All. The. Time and it feels like the you who dreamt of these sweet babies and how they would fill your life with so much joy has disappeared, along with the elastic in your undies, any correct size lids to fit your food storage containers, and your sanity. You’re left wondering how everyone does it without losing their mind all the time and resorting to screens. You want to be present, but you feel like you’re mentally absent, just waiting for them to grow up and be gone. And then you feel guilty, because you wanted them SO MUCH, and you love them more than ANYTHING, but also if they could just LEAVE YOU ALONE please that would be great.
Maybe you did not experience the kind of birth you wanted to, and the horror of that trauma mixed with the joy of the child you now have has left you with some confusing, lingering emotions around days like these.
Perhaps you had a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or have lost a child, which is an abhorrent reversal of how things are “supposed” to go, and Mother’s Day just reminds you of the horrific pain and grief and loss. And if you have other children still here you feel you have to grin and bear it so they can celebrate you in all your tear-stained glory.
Maybe you have lost your mother, and there is a gaping hole in your life without her, and you keep thinking of all the things you should have said before she left you, and you keep wishing you just had your Mum to mother you through this awful experience of being without her.
Perhaps you didn’t have the mother you deserved, and were left with a lingering sense of abandonment, deep hurt and resentment, or a blank page of nothingness to reference when you need to know how to be a parent.
Maybe you desperately want to be a mother, and for whatever reason that gift has not come your way. Mother's Day can be a painful reminder of unfulfilled dreams and unanswered prayers.
To all those who find Mother's Day challenging, know that your feelings are valid. It's okay to feel a mix of emotions on this day. Take this time to be gentle with yourself, to honour your journey, and to seek support if you need it. You are not alone.
Below are some tips for coping with the challenges of days that feel hard for you:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's okay to feel a mix of emotions on Mother's Day. Allow yourself to acknowledge and feel whatever comes up for you, whether it's sadness, grief, anger, or a combination of feelings.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself. Recognize that it's normal to struggle on this day and give yourself permission to take care of your emotional needs.
3. Reach Out for Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional about your feelings. Sharing your thoughts and emotions can help lighten the emotional burden.
4. Create Your Own Tradition: If traditional Mother's Day activities are triggering for you, consider creating your own tradition. This could be spending the day doing something you enjoy or honouring a different aspect of motherhood that resonates with you.
5. Limit Social Media Exposure: Social media can be flooded with Mother's Day celebrations, which can intensify feelings of loneliness or inadequacy. Consider limiting your exposure to social media on this day.
6. Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, such as taking a walk in nature, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or indulging in a relaxing bath.
7. Celebrate Other Mother Figures: If you have positive relationships with other mother figures in your life, such as grandmothers, aunts, or friends, consider celebrating them on Mother's Day.
8. Reflect on Your Strengths: Take some time to reflect on your strengths and accomplishments, both as a person and, if applicable, as a mother. Acknowledge the challenges you've overcome and the resilience you've shown.
9. Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling to cope with your emotions, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies.
Remember, it's okay to prioritize your mental health and well-being, especially on days that are emotionally challenging. You are not alone, and there is support available to help you through this time.
